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While the idea of love, at first sight, may seem romantic, it is not necessarily a realistic expectation. It takes time to truly get to know someone and establish a deep connection. Instant attraction and infatuation can be powerful, but building a lasting relationship requires more than just physical chemistry. The belief in a single, perfect soulmate who completes us is a popular myth perpetuated by movies and books. This idea can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on relationships. It is important to recognize that compatibility is a result of shared values, interests, and goals, rather than just a mystical connection.
Don’t…be too rigid when it comes to partner requirements. Don’t be quick to dismiss the person if they have not ‘ticked off’ all your boxes as most relationships grow and evolve with time. Do…end things amicably if it doesn’t work out with someone. They may not be right for your romantic life but could still be a good work connection or friend. It’s a great way to expand your social circle and potentially meet a new love interest through that link in future.
Many of us have this idea that we need a movie-worthy meet-cute when finding a soulmate. But closing yourself off to any meeting that isn’t locking eyes across a crowded bar or running into a long-forgotten high school sweetheart from back home (Hallmark Channel style) limits your chances. Despite what Hollywood has us believe, we can meet worthwhile people anywhere. You could meet your ideal partner during a meeting, at a book club, in an elevator, while out walking your dog, or yes, on a dating app. The more options you keep open, the higher your chances of meeting people that you’ll enjoy being around. Instead of waiting for a “meet-cute,” try to remain open to any possibility that feels right for you.
If she feels you are head over heels for her for no apparent reason, she’s not going to give you the kind of respect and attention you want. Hence, even if you’re head over heels for her, control yourself. Learn to reveal how you feel gradually. Make it seem natural, as though you fall deeper in love as you learn more about her. When she sees that your love for her is based on something real, she’s going to appreciate and value it more. Though there are rare occasions where ladies make the first move on the guy, those are exceptions, not the rule. In reality, guys make the move on the woman. That’s just how it is. And if you want to wait on a lady to make the move on you, it may never happen. Besides, if you want a woman, why would you be waiting for her to make the move on you?
Kind people are charming. You’ve probably heard the idea that if you want to get a good understanding of someone’s true nature, watch how they treat those who are in a lesser position, like service staff, waiters, etc. Everyone responds well to kindness. We all want someone who has a good heart, who is caring and empathetic. A man who treats others with kindness and respect shows his woman that he isn’t just nice to her because she’s pretty or because he wants something from her. It’s his nature, and she can count on him to be that to her anytime any day. And this assurance will make her feel safe with him. As the saying goes, your looks might capture people’s attention, but it’s your character that will keep them interested. Nothing on this list has to do with looks. Meaning, they are all learnable if you’re not implementing them already.
Set healthy boundaries – even before you meet: It’s natural to flirt via messages and conversations in the beginning stages of dating. You’re pursuing a romantic connection, after all! However, if your date is crossing boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable, politely let them know immediately. For example, if they make an advance that feels like too much too soon, express your feelings: “That makes me feel uncomfortable, could we take a step back from that please?”
FYI: Being alone is a good thing. A single relationship status or even just time spent on our own allows us to turn inward, explore our truest desires, and get to know ourselves better. When we know ourselves and what we want, our dating lives become more fulfilling, successful, and fun. Any amount of time alone can be invested to understand what we want out of a partner, but more importantly, it can make us feel so whole we don’t need a partner. Let me go on a quick tangent about a few outdated dating rules that we really should ditch, like, yesterday. To start, my least favorites of all dating rules are “Don’t kiss on the first date” and the “Three-date rule.” Let’s just throw out any rules that imply that what you want to do with your body and when you want to do it are not up to you. Make your own rules based on comfortability and what you’re feeling.
Work through your baggage. Everyone has a few scrapes and scars from previous experiences that can creep into their love lives. For instance, maybe your parents failed to show you consistent affection, and now you find yourself being extra needy in relationships. Or maybe your ex cheated on you, leaving you with some serious trust issues. Regardless of what baggage you’re carrying around, it’s time to dig deep and work through it. Otherwise, it may prove next to impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone new. Bottom line? Clear your mind of “the one who got away” and you’ll have a much easier time recognizing someone great when you see them. Whether that means meditating, working with a therapist or dating coach, practicing self-care, or keeping yourself busy with healthy distractions, the point is that you’ll be far more likely to actually achieve your romantic goals IRL, rather than just in your head.
For example, let’s say you’re looking for someone who’s solid and dependable. Or maybe you want to meet someone who’s patient and calm when things don’t go as planned. Can you say the same about yourself? Sometimes, we are attracted to people to fill our “voids” so to speak — to provide all the things we lack. It’s natural to have some opposing strengths from your partner, but the point is that you should always be working on owning all the qualities that you seek. That way, you aren’t ever fully dependent on someone else to meet your needs, and you can make sure you’re always pulling your own weight in a give-and-take relationship.